Getting Married in Buganda

On a number of occasions, friends and relatives have approached me to help them wade through the intricate matters of getting married in Buganda.  Overtime, I have noticed that many are not even aware of the simplest and obvious steps like initiating contact with the girl’s family.  I write this commentary to try and explain the simple but lengthy process of getting married in Buganda.   My post is not based on extensive research or study but rather on what I know and have learnt over the years.  A few years ago,  I used to officiate at Baganda traditional marriage ceremonies (okwanjula).  I wish to declare that I am not an expert on Buganda culture, nor am I a specialist in Buganda traditional marriages; my involvement at such a high level (omwogezi) was at best accidental, although we shall keep that story for another day.

Initiating Contact

Getting married in Buganda is seemingly easy but folks complicate it for unknown reasons.  Yes it may be especially to the non-Baganda, but is easy.  First and foremost, one has to get over the straightforward (but treacherous) hurdle of initiating contact with the girls’ family.  There are different ways of doing it, but the most recognized and possibly one that is being widely used by the current generation is through the paternal auntie (Senga) to the girl.  Usually, the suitor writes a letter to the Senga, stating his intentions and requesting to visit her for further discussion.  In some cases the girl directly delivers the letter or in the absence of a letter she verbally informs her Senga. Whichever way, this is done should be alright, after all, many times, the boy has seen or lived with the girl for years.  In his book titled The Baganda: an account of their native customs and beliefs (1911), John Roscoe contends that the initial contact to the girl’s family was made through the brother who would then inform the paternal uncle.  Roscoe writes about the traditions and beliefs before religion, education and possibly civilization had taken root in Buganda.  Considering how much the issue of seniority in age is culturally emphasized in Buganda, it is unlikely that a suitor (who is possibly a young man) could speak to an auntie (or uncle) about his intentions at that time. The best alternative would be to talk to a brother.  It is not known when the role was moved to Senga and today’s generation of young men has the advantage of hiding behind a piece of paper and pen.  The visit to Senga usually for the suitor has only one purpose; to deliver a letter to addressed to the father of the bride and should be no more than that.   For the Senga however, this visit should be of great importance.  It is during this visit that the she gets the opportunity to see the suitor and assess him firsthand.  During this visit the Senga should ask all the preliminary questions that would help her to carry out inquiries about the suitor.  It is only after she is satisfied that there is nothing culturally wrong with her niece getting married to the suitor that she should take the news (letter) to her brother (girl’s father).   Of course there are many variations to this procedure, in the modern times.  In most cases, the suitor is usually well known to the family and all the necessary background checks have been done before hand.  That said, I still hear of ceremonies where a suitor has been turned away because of a cultural taboo, which I prefer to call ‘the ceremony running into a technical difficulty’.  That would mean that the Senga did not do her job properly.  It is also becoming increasingly common for the suitors to use this visit (okukyala) to ostentatiously display how rich they are.  I find this totally unnecessary and in my view, it should be discouraged.  Once the girl’s family has made satisfactory inquiries, the father writes back to the suitor through the Senga agreeing to the proposed visit, to introduce himself or be introduced for the purposes of determining dowry and associated requirements.  Roscoe talks of the brother of the bride asking the suitor bring a pot of beer and backcloth after satisfactory inquiries by the paternal uncle.

Stay on the right side of Things.

In his letter agreeing to the request by the suitor, the father usually states the date, time and number of people he will be able to entertain and although it is usually not restrictive, it is advisable to keep time and keep the number of relatives and friends accompanying the suitor within the limit that was set by the host.  I have been embarrassed a number of times as the leader of party (omwogezi) to find that I have turned up with 10-20 people more than the maximum number that was allowed by the host.  As a rule, I now insist on seeing the letter from the father before we embark on our journey.  It is not only impolite and rude, it puts a lot of strain on the hosting family in terms of resources.  In this era, where things have to be bought/hired and prepared in advance your lack of consideration will disorganise the host and possibly turn the whole function on it’s head.  At one of the functions a father turned away all people beyond the number he had asked for, while at the other he made them carry their seats from a nearby church - ugly scenes that would rather be avoided on this occasion of merry-making.  I also consider it discourteous for people to dress inappropriately (and most Baganda elders do).  As a sign of respect, Baganda (both sexes) cover most of their body in traditional long garbs called a kanzu for men and busuuti for women while attending their traditional ceremonies like kwanjula (wedding), lumbe (funeral) etc.  It is advisable that all people in the party should dress fittingly for this function.  If you have a particular dislike for kanzu or busuuti, find something long in your wardrobe (for women) and for men, a western style suit may just be enough. Short skirts, sleeveless tops, T-shirts and jeans are not acceptable dress code for this function and may cause you big problems with the hosting family depending on how serious they take things.  Finally in Buganda, the parents of the suitor DO NOT go along when he is going to the girl’s family (okwanjula).

The Kwanjula Ceremony

The ceremony itself seems to have evolved over time and at one time it was at the risk of becoming drama.  I am happy to note though that the theatric antics are progressively being kicked out and reduced to what is acceptable.  I don’t wish to come across as a boring nerd as a host, far from it, in fact, I do indulge in exchanging some banter while conducting the ceremonies myself but my point is that this should be kept to a minimum.  It is not easy to determine when the teasing that happens at the entrance to the venue and all the drama that usually follows was first introduced to the ceremony.  Jokes and banter aside this is a very serious ceremony and it is the main part of the entire traditional marriage ceremony.  At this stage, the suitor usually led by a trusted colleague/confident also called the leader of party (omwogezi) and accompanied by some relatives and friends goes to the girls family and gives them presents.  In the modern times, he also states when and how the suitor will take away his bride.  After all these are accepted by the girl’s family usually led by the father’s brother or his close confidant/colleague, the girl is called and asked to confirm if she will go with the man who has declared his intentions.  In his book, Roscoe says that the suitor accompanied by some of his relations would bring dowry and take oath before the girl’s relations to treat her well and not to desert her.  They on their part (the girl’s relations) warned him against harming the girl or killing any one.  At this ceremony the girl would be asked if she would want to get married to the man.  Her uncle would ask, ‘Shall I drink’ and if she replied ‘Drink’ and he drunk, the marriage is ratified and nothing could afterwards cancel the contract, save the husband’s consent and his acceptance of the return of the dowry, which he had paid for her.   This version of events has not changed very much from what happens today, more than 120 years later.

Just like it happened then to this day, it is the responsibility of the brother/paternal uncle (or whoever is leading the girl’s side) to tell the girl’s parents that the suitor has met all requirements and their daughter will be/has been given away.  The mother is usually out of sight and may/may not be following the proceedings, while the father is present although he will not utter a word.  The leader gives them all the information about the suitor and his circumstances.   Again, there is a variation here. Over time some families have started conducting this step in the open (usually outside) for every one to see although traditionally it was restricted to close family members inside the house.  The next step should be the one conducted in the open and this involves all clan members, friends and relatives.  This is where the dowry to be paid by the suitor is determined. The biggest misconception here is that most people believe that gifts and presents they come with for kwanjula are the dowry. Nothing can be further from the truth. The dowry is determined after kwanjula (which is the actual ceremony done in the house) and unless the family has made it explicitly clear that gifts presented during kwanjula are enough for dowry they should never be construed as dowry.  In Buganda, just like many other tribes from the Bantu family, dowry is set for the suitor, which he must deliver before taking his bride.  Roscoe (1911) argues that families used to ask for any sum of goats and sometimes a cow and that in addition to the animals they would ask for beer, bark cloth and cowry shells.  This seems to be dispelling the notion that has been widely held that Baganda do not ask for dowry.  The truth may be that their dowry is traditionally not as big as some tribes within the Bantu family.  This confusion may also have been propagated by suitors from the modern times who have been known to ostentatiously provide presents during kwanjula in a bid to avoid further expenditure on dowry.  Roscoe further points out that a man usually spent months begging among his relatives and friends for the amount that had been asked and that during the time that the suitor was putting the dowry together, he was not supposed to visit his bride although the restriction was rarely enforced.  At last we know, the genesis of wedding meetings in Uganda.

The Marriage Ceremony (Embaga)

The last step of getting married in Buganda is the actual marriage ceremony and this also seems to have evolved especially after the introduction of religion or Christianity in Buganda.   According to Roscoe (1911), the bride would stay with a male relative (usually brother) until such a day when her groom comes for her.  On the day, that she was to be taken away, Roscoe adds, she would do stuff like fetch water, collect fire wood and cut grass for carpeting the floor of the house.  These were her last acts for her parents to signify that from now on she will be doing these things for someone else.  She would then be carried off (shoulder high) by a party of friends and relatives up to a point (usually about half way) where they would find the groom’s friends.  The brother would hand her sister to the groom’s representative and the groom’s friends would give them gifts and then her brother would return home.  Some of the bride’s friends would go with her to her new home if they wished.  In modern Buganda, usually on a set date and after all dowry has been delivered, the groom’s friends come to pick up the bride at dawn with some particular gifts known as kasuze katya. Kasuze Katya is exclusively paraffin, lantern, funnel, matchboxes and akawujo (a small container traditionally used as a unit of measure for liquids in Buganda). I haven’t been able to ascertain when this particular step was added to the marriage procedure.  In some cases, the family of the bride may have asked the suitor to send something like beer or means of transport to take them to where the wedding ceremonies will be held.  With the introduction of religion, the majority of the weddings are conducted at Churches and Mosques and thus the question ‘how will the bride be taken?’ that is regularly asked at kwanjula.  If answered incorrectly or not according to the expectations of the bride’s family, this usually becomes a sticking point leading to suspension of the whole ceremony until it has been satisfactorily addressed.  One other reason not to be so enthusiastic about religion.