The Etiquette of Queuing

I have written about queuing before and everybody who knows me, is probably aware of my lack of patience for queue jumpers and people who cannot stand in an orderly queue while receiving a service – in our old schools days, we used to call it ‘short fat queue’. There are characteristics some of them unkind that are normally attributed to the British (and the English in particular). In the language that they were so kind to share with the rest of the world, it is called stereotyping. For instance my uncle insists to this day that the majority of the British people are very condescending and behave like the Empire still exists. Of course, they, like people of any country have some behaviours or characteristics that are only common to them, although it would be wise not to lump people together based on the conduct of one or two of their kin. During my brief stay on the isles in the last decade, I found that many things which are considered to be typically British are picked from songs, books and plays that were written a very long time ago. For instance while it is very common to hear of people associating them with the tradition of afternoon tea with biscuits, scones and sandwiches or cake, I don’t remember encountering it in my three years stay on the isles with the most miserable weather all over the world. The people who still do it must be in the minority if they are there. Yet again, there is a habit that has long been attributed to the British which has not gone away – Queuing. Everywhere is a queue: in the shops, on the roads, at the bus stop, on the telephone etc. The British love queuing so much that in 2010, their Government was contemplating introducing questions about queuing in their naturalization examinations. Yes, the revered practice of forming a queue was supposed to become part of the citizenship test migrants must pass to secure a British passport. Although it can be very annoying to someone who is not used it, I find this a very good thing and I whole-heartedly took to the concept of queuing. Since my return, time and again I find myself standing behind people at tills, reception counters etc only to be overtaken by someone who will even get served to my consternation. In fact I have been so upset by the lack of respect for a queue in this country and on our beautiful continent at large that two years ago I blogged about it. Most orderly people will tell you that they would love to have a queue to be served but what is the best practice of forming a queue. Here is the protocol for queuing. 1) Never reserve a place in a queue. If you are with several people, enter the queue as one group. It can be so annoying to think after lining up and waiting for a long time, that the serving counter is within two people of your reach and suddenly, out of nowhere, his five relatives join the guy in front of you, making your wait even longer. Similarly, before you enter a queue (if it’s a lengthy one) make sure you’ve gone to the loo. As silly as this may sound it does happen. People leave the queue for a bathroom and expect to come back and take up their old place. If you find new people, this may be perceived as queue jumping and others will not be happy about it. 2) Have all relevant documents to hand and ensure that you can find everything easily to avoid holding up people. People who get to the teller and suddenly remember that the cheque is still blank always upset me. The ladies make it worse if they have to look up a pen from their handbag. 3) Keep children under control. Much as I like queuing, waiting in a queue is not fun and never enjoyable. The last thing I want is a kid free-ranging around and tagging to my trouser as he/she plays hide and seek. 4) Be patient – everyone in the queue is in the same boat. Avoid acts displays of exasperation or anger. I am already unhappy that I have to wait this long and someone shouting and ranting about how long it is taking only makes it worse for me. 5) Respect the personal space of others. There is no need to stand body-to-body in the queue, doing so will only irritate people and may heighten an already fractious situation. I personally prefer at least a foot between me and the next person on either side. I appreciate that such space may not always be available but PLEASE try and not be too close for comfort. Also, if you are required to stand back and wait your turn don’t approach the counter until the person being served has finished. 6) Probably the most frustrating of all queuing displeasures is queue jumping. Quite simply: don’t! I have noticed that people do not respect a queue at almost all petrol station shops I have been to in this country. On one occasion, I had to remind a shopper that there was a queue. She arrogantly dismissed my complaint and went ahead to place her groceries atop the counter all the while insisting that she had not done anything wrong and that all she wanted was to place her shopping on the table because ‘it was very heavy for her’. To my surprise almost all the time, these people get served before us who are patiently waiting, which speaks volumes of the people serving and their concept of a queue. 7) If there are lots of queues, take your pick and stay with it. If you choose badly, accept the fact. Some queues will always move faster than others. I do remember paying a heavy price of not sticking with the queue I had chosen. We were stuck in a jam and after a few minutes I realized that the inside lane was moving faster than the one I was in. I quickly maneuvered and changed into the other lane much to the upset of the guy I had barged into. I was right behind a trailer and soon we were a climbing a hill that it failed to climb, rolled backwards up to my car. The front of my car was extensively damaged but the trailer driver would have none of it. I entirely paid for the repairs. 8) Avoid leaving big gaps that can confuse people trying to join the queue. I was once accused of jumping a queue when the truth is that I was not aware there were other people in the queue because the gap was almost 3m wide. Of course, I apologized and moved to the back, which is also part of the etiquette of queuing. 9) Where there is one queue for multiple till points, pay attention, don’t hold up the queue by failing to notice when it is your turn. 10) Finally, where food is served by self service (or otherwise) but in a queue, don’t hold up the queue by insisting on your favorite part of the chicken (or other animal). Like I normally say, there is only one gizzard for every chicken and surely there can only be enough for every number of chicken, could be that the piece you are looking for has already been taken.