I am not a keen Hugger - Am I normal?

While traveling in Europe recently, I stumbled upon an article about ‘Hugging’. I was happy to learn that I am not the only one that is bothered with this form of greeting that does not seem to respect any rules about personal space. I come from central Uganda and hugging is generally not part of the greeting etiquette. A firm handshake between men and ‘some members of different sex’ was (or is) good enough. I use some members, because in some situations it is not acceptable for a woman to shake hands with a man. In our culture you cannot shake hands with your father/mother in-law. As a young man growing up, I do not remember a lot of hugging going around our village although, yes, it was occasionally done (especially on seeing a long lost friend or relative). Even then no body would frown upon completing the greeting without one. For me this is very much acceptable. I would probably be even happier in Japan where a bow is all that is required to say hello. I am extremely uncomfortable when I meet my Kenyan friends (especially ladies) who expect a kiss on both cheeks on top of the hug to complete the greeting formalities. While it is believed that kissing on both cheeks is foreign to Africa, there is evidence that hugging has been part of some African cultures for a long time. I have been made to understand that hugging is very much of the greeting etiquette in western Uganda and it is not only reserved for those long lost friends or relatives. It may also be true that other cultures in Uganda attach so much importance to hugging, that a greeting without hugging may be deemed inadequate or viewed with suspicion. After all, how can one express their joy or empathy with out a round of hugs going around? I am not a keen hugger. I hug but reluctantly and on many occasions because the people I am greeting have pressed for one. Words like ‘Eish not even hugger’ may be said in the friendliest tone possible but still make my heart pound faster. To me hugging is an invasion of personal space. So how do I survive, in this newfound world of hugging? I usually make a quick assessment in a social gathering determining whether I will hug or not. It is fairly easy with men, most African men are like me and do not want to get involved in long chest-to-chest hugs. I have even devised a ‘quickie’ (semi-hug) for those who enjoy the act, I usually shake their hand firmly pulling the shoulder of the hand that I am shaking close enough to touch the shoulder of the hand I am using to shake. Generally, it would be my right shoulder touching their right shoulder. That way I avoid most of their body. I have found this to be universally acceptable to all men – and like the name I give it suggests, it is always done in a matter of seconds. It is however risky when it comes to women, I have not yet managed to figure out their hugging habits. Depending on where they come from, some women hug carelessly and endlessly while some will reserve it for only those close (or even intimate) friends. I have also noted that the female folk can give you a hug ‘without giving you one’ depending on where you are on their social ladder. These women have their own version of ‘semi-hugs’, which makes the habit even riskier. It is very awkward to go for a full hug and realize that she was only willing to give a ‘semi-hug’. That is kind of putting you ‘in your place’ in public. It is not nice and I would certainly not want to do it to a lady – many of them will never forgive you for years, while some will press on and demand for a full hug – both situations potentially embarrassing. Thankfully for us, non-huggers, Peggy Drexler who penned the article I referred to earlier suggests some defensive maneuvers; 1. Deflect – keep something (a desk, a table, another person) between you and the serial hugger until that moment passes. 2. Deny – ‘sorry I am not much of a hugger’, tell the hugger to his/her face 3. Resist – Take physical control with a stiff handshake and firm elbow that keeps personal space intact. 4. Escape – find something that requires immediate attention, if nothing comes to mind, drop your cellphone. 5. Lie – ‘I really don’t want you to catch this cold’ If all that fails, accept the hug but with an icy response and hope that the hugger will remember next time she/he comes across you. On a positive note, I learnt that science encourages hugs because they are healthy. They release endorphins, strengthen the immune system, promote self-esteem and promote bonding. So go on you all huggers, hug everybody you come across, but just take note that not all of us enjoy it.